Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
