Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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