Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I AM VODKA MAN
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
