Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
