we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
