Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
