Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
