mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
