Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
