Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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