gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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