im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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