I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
