my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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