you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
