she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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