somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
