shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
