woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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