Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
