so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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