He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
