You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
