p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She bit a glass in half.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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