i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
