The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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