tell your sister to shave her snatch
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
