never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
