Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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