separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
