He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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