O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
