a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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