I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
