sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
