Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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