went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Threesome in a minivan. New low
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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