I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
