she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
