That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
