Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
