Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
