I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
