so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
