Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
