Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
