WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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