I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
