He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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