the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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